Keir Starmer pre-emptively concedes 2024 general election

The ever-gallant Sir Keir Starmer has officially conceded the 2024 general election and called for the country to unite behind the Conservative Party.

With the Conservative Party holding a two-point lead in the latest opinion polls and Starmer’s vision of the Labour Party being almost identical to the Conservative’s, Sir Keir Starmer has pre-emptively conceded the 2024 general election.

‘I don’t want to drag this nation through a potentially divisive and damaging general election when there’s so little difference between the two options anyway. That is why I would like to concede the 2024 general election on behalf of the Labour Party.

‘I don’t plan on standing down as the leader of the Labour Party, as an alternative would not be in the Conservative Party’s best interests.

‘We will be back for the 2028/29 campaign if the United Kingdom is still around by then,’ Sir Keir Starmer told the press.

The Conservative Party and the BBC have both praised the move by Keir Starmer, calling it a return to common sense politics.