Wrong dick resigns

A well-known Dick has resigned after a series of damaging scandals and controversies damaged their ability to be taken seriously.

Sadly, that Dick was Dame Cressida Dick of the Metropolitan Police, rather than Prime Minister Boris Johnson.

Cressida Dick resigned just hours after stating she didn’t plan on going anywhere, a classic U-turn right out of Boris Johnson’s playbook.

Dick has apologised for her initial statement, admitting that she made a balls-up of the entire situation.

“I feel like a bit of a prick about the whole thing,” she told us.

While one Dick has resigned, Prime Minister Boris Johnson still remains in power, much to the chagrin of anyone with a brain in their nut.

“We’ve got one Dick out, how about the other one?” said Peter Cocker, a carbon shaft engineer from Penistone.

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