Boris Johnson to throw a farewell party for all his former aides

Prime Minister Boris Johnson is planning to throw a farewell party for all his aides who’ve resigned over the last couple of days.

The mass resignations mean that Boris Johnson will have to plan most of the party himself, as well as acquire all the necessary items.

“People can bring their own booze and drugs but it still leaves me with a lot to do. I’m not just planning a party for one person leaving, it’s five people. No, wait. It’s six people now. Fuck, now it’s seven. They’re all abandoning ship! Help! Mayday!” Johnson told the press.

The latest to quit is Killian Bastard, a policy advisor to the prime minister, as well as the head of balloon acquisitions.

Bastard’s family has worked in the background of the Conservative family for generations.

“You’d be hard-pressed to find a Conservative government that hasn’t been full of Bastards,” said Killian.

Killian’s departure is likely to hit the prime minister particularly hard as he knew exactly how to range a balloon display to Boris Johnson’s exact desires.

“It’s not easy to find a man who understands how funny holding two large pink balloons to your chest is. It makes you look like a buxom lady and it’s incredibly funny. Killian will be missed,”
said Johnson, wiping a tear from his eye.

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