Boris Johnson has asked the nation to get out on their front doorsteps and wave their hands in the air like they just don’t care, it’s emerged.
The prime minister hopes that “doorstep parties” will lift the mood of the country and possibly distract from a certain party that has ruined Britain’s Christmas spirit.
“I want everyone to put on some mad-banging tunes, get out on your doorsteps and wave your hands in the air like you just don’t care.
“I really can’t emphasise enough how much you should act like you don’t care.
“Don’t care about the lies and broken promises. Don’t care about the billions of pounds we spaffed away on fat government contracts to our mates. Don’t care about how we had a party while people died because of our incompetence and malice. Just wave those hands in the air!” said Boris.
Conservative Party members have been reminded to wave BOTH hands in the air, as they have a history of only raising one.