Republicans turn blue after scientists recommend breathing

Millions of Republicans are turning blue and collapsing after scientists published a report that recommended breathing.

The report stated that 100% of scientists and doctors recommended breathing regularly, something that quickly turned many Republicans against the idea.

Republicans have been literally turning blue by holding their breath to “stick it to Big Oxygen” and some have even been collapsing.

“I don’t need oxygen. That’s just what Big Oxygen wants us to think. They pay the scientists and doctors to tell us we need their product. All we need is God, Donald Trump and freedom,” said Cletus Dolt, shortly before passing out.

The sheer number of Republicans who now refuse to breathe has put considering strain on thousands of hospitals across the United States.

“We’ve had so many Republicans in here since the report was published. They refuse to believe that they need to breathe. We’re having to put them on ventilators to force them to breathe. It’s crazy,” one nurse told us.

Experts say that, if the trend continues, the United States could be a nice place to live within just a few months.

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