Wetherspoons to offer a pint of “shut the f*ck up” in lieu of beer

Wetherspoons will offer thirsty customers a pint of “shut the f*ck up” during the current beer shortage, it’s emerged.

With beer shortages so severe that some Wetherspoons could run dry, customers might have to make do with a pint of “shut the f*ck up” instead.

A pint of “shut the f*ck up” will involve a mostly empty glass with any foam left in the taps, as well as a couple of gobs of spit from a member of the bar staff.

“This will be the first pint I genuinely enjoy serving at Wetherspoons,” said one staff member.

Customers will be able to enjoy their pint alongside one of the many new meal options at Wetherspoons. These include a plate of dust, nothing on a plate, or a plate of microwaved air.

Anyone who complains will be kindly told to “shut the f*ck up” and reminded which way they voted in the Brexit referendum.

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