God to accept returns on unwanted children

God will begin accepting returns on unwanted children for the first time ever after receiving significant backlash over his previous returns policy.

All children will be accepted as returns under the new policy, no matter why or when they became unwanted.

“Some parents never wanted children. Others quickly realise how much time, money and effort children take. And some children are just assholes. No matter the reason, I’m going to start offering returns.

“People have enough problems right now without having to worry about a child they don’t want,” God told us.

To process the return, all parents need to do is pick up their child and toss them into the sky. God will catch the child and take it from there.

“We are aware that some children are hefty, so we’re currently working on a solution for those that are too chunky to throw into the sky,” said God.

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