Met Police to open a Future Crimes Division

The Met Police has announced that they plan to open a Future Crimes Division to help tackle crimes that they’re allowed to investigate.

With the Conservative government claiming that the police can’t investigate crimes in the past, the Met Police are looking to the future.

“The fact that we can’t investigate crimes that have already happened has put a real crimp in our arrest records,”
confessed Cressida Dick, Head of the Metropolitan Police.

She continued, “That’s why we’ll be pumping considerable resources into a Future Crimes Division that will allow us to tackle crimes before they’ve happened.”

The new division will employ three physics who can see into the future. Their visions will be projected onto a big screen that will allow police to apprehend the criminals before a crime has even happened.

It’s not yet known who the three physics will be, although Michael Gove has put his name forward.

“I’ve always been able to see into the future. For example, I can already see it’d be a good idea for me to get ahead of the curve on this one,”
he told us.

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