A policeman has been inspired to run a marathon after he spotted a vulnerable woman he could assault just over 26 miles away.
The eagle-eyed policeman, who can’t be named for legal reasons, had never considered running a marathon before the opportunity to assault a woman presented itself.
“I’d never really thought about running a marathon before. I don’t enjoy jogging. I do, however, love assaulting women and this was an excellent opportunity,” he told us.
Sadly, for the copper, the long run meant that he barely had the energy left to assault the woman by the time he got there.
“You could barely even call it assault,” he said, shaking his head.
The incident is now being investigated by internal affairs. The policeman has been suspended with pay and could face dismissal if he didn’t perform an adequately aggressive assault.