Putin recognises independence of pro-Russian territories in the United States

Russian President Vladimir Putin has formally recognised the independence of several pro-Russian territories within the United States.

The territories include dozens of rural towns in the US, as well as the Mar-a-Lago in Palm Beach, Florida. Putin has demanded an end to all US military operations in the separatist areas.

The separatist areas could now receive Russian funding as a result of Putin’s decree.

“The Mar-a-Lago has been receiving Russian funding and intelligence for several years. It’ll be a real boon for the boonies though,” said one political expert.

The recognition of the independence of the pro-Russian territories means that Russia doesn’t consider these areas to be part of the United States. This could pave the way for Russia to send in troops, arguing that they are protecting these independent territories from a tyrannical US government.

“It’s a pretty fair argument, in many ways,” said an unnamed source in Washington.

US President Joe Biden will now have some serious decisions to make, as soon as he wakes up from his third nap of the day.

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