Russia has struck a lucrative deal with Sky for the exclusive broadcast rights of all footage coming from the imminent World War III.
The deal is rumoured to have been agreed upon yesterday afternoon and will cost Sky a little over £1 billion, money that Russia plans to spend on grassroots militarism.
“This is a great deal for both sides,” said Russian President Vladimir Putin. “Sky will have exclusive rights to the Soviet Union’s march to reunification, giving fans of war all the skirmishes, battles and atrocities they can watch.
“And we get some seed money to build an even more glorious military.”
It’s believed that Sky plans to broadcast World War III on a dedicated news channel called SkyWW3. The channel will cost subscribers an extra £2.99 or £4.99 if they want to watch in HD.
While many fans of war are giddy about the news, some have criticised the amount of money Sky has paid for exclusive rights.
“It was never about the money or the glory back in my day, it was about the love of killing. Now you see millionaire soldiers celebrating after making a kill like they’re Charlie Bigshot. I used to just raise my hand and get back to it.
“And it’s a crying shame they’ll be no coverage on terrestrial TV. How are kids going to get into war if they can’t watch it on TV? War’s gone,” said Sgt David Killian, who we should point out was a police sergeant, not an army sergeant.