Tim Martin to retrain as a truck driver

JD Wetherspoon CEO Tim Martin is to retain as a truck driver after his business reported a loss for the second year running.

With Wetherspoon failing and truck drivers in high demand, Tim Martin – who’s believed to have been created from all the junk DNA used in the process to make James May – is using the opportunity to add a new feather to his cap.

“The pub business is in the shitter so I need to make some money somewhere,” he began. “So I’m going to retrain as a truck driver.

“How hard can it be? I’ve been driving a massive car for years, so it’s essentially the same thing.

“It’s either trucking driving or retrain in cyber and I don’t know a thing about computers apart from which websites let me look at nude ladies.”

Cyber’s gain is truck driving’s loss, it would appear.

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