Businessmen hail dying planet for all the profit it’s made them

Businessmen are celebrating a dying planet for all the profit it’s made them at a glitzy event fuelled by ego, avarice and cocaine.

Almost a thousand men wearing Satan’s uniforms have gathered to celebrate the life of Earth as it reaches its final days.

‘It’s not got long left now, so we thought we’d hold an event in its honour. We’ve made a lot of profit plundering its resources. This just felt right,’
said Timothy Monbiot, while quaffing champagne.

The businessmen accept that they had a large hand in killing the planet, but they simply don’t care.

‘Sure, we’re the guilty party. Did you see how much money we made though? It’s almost obscene,’ laughed Sidney Fotheringham IV.

The event could become an annual occurrence until the planet dies as long as the group can secure funding for the next ten years.