Prince Andrew to dress as the Child Catcher for Halloween
Prince Andrew has revealed that he plans to dress up as the Child Catcher for Halloween this year. The Child Catcher is a fictional menace…
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NHS kicks Queen Elizabeth II out of hospital after running out of beds
NHS doctors were forced to kick Queen Elizabeth II out of hospital after running out of beds for patients, it’s emerged. Queen Elizabeth II stayed…
Policeman runs a marathon after spotting a woman he could assault 26.2 miles away
A policeman has been inspired to run a marathon after he spotted a vulnerable woman he could assault just over 26 miles away. The eagle-eyed…
American now considered an offensive term; to be replaced by Person With Americanism
The term American is now considered offensive and will be replaced with Person With Americanism or Little Minded Person, according to the Official Board of…
Met police chief receives “free pizza for life” from a mystery benefactor
Commissioner of Police of the Metropolis Cressida Dick has revealed that she has received a card that entitles her to free pizza for the rest…
Tim Martin to retrain as a truck driver
JD Wetherspoon CEO Tim Martin is to retain as a truck driver after his business reported a loss for the second year running. With Wetherspoon…
Prince Andrew applies for regal aid
Prince Andrew has applied for regal aid to help cover the costs of his legal battle against allegations of sexual assault. The Duke of York…
Wetherspoon reports £154m loss as Brexit benefits begin to become apparent
Pub chain JD Wetherspoon has reported a record loss of £154.7m in what is being considered one of the first benefits of Brexit and COVID…
Petrol War I seemed so meaningless compared to Petrol War II, reveals historian from the future
An historian from the future has revealed that Petrol War I seemed incredibly stupid and meaningless compared to Petrol War II. In what feels like…
Token resolutely refuses to be funged
A token has made waves by resolutely refusing to be funged, it’s emerged. Token #703471 believes that it should have the right to choose whether…