A local father has issued a weather warning to his family that they should expect powerful gusts of winds tonight after managing to polish off two tins of baked beans throughout the day.
Nicholas Gough, 44, had baked beans for every meal today and the disastrous consequences of his diet will likely take effect tonight.
His diet included eggs and beans for breakfast, beans on toast for lunch, and a baked potato and beans for dinner.
“There’s a storm brewing in my guts and potent winds are inevitable,” he told his wife and children. “I’d recommend that you all stay in your rooms if you want to stay safe.”
Gough’s anal winds could reach speeds as high as 90 mph and cause significant disruption to his underpants.
“This is a full-scale Brown Alert situation,” he told us.