3502 BC: Man invents the wheel. This invention goes on to completely revolutionise travel and, more importantly, leads to the invention of the Wagon Wheel, a delicious chocolate and marshmallow treat.
32 AD: Jesus begins writing his final ever Christmas/Birthday present wish-list.
1415: King Henry V leads English forces to victory against the French at the Battle of Agincourt. The follow-up Battle of Avodkacourt was much less successful.
1881: Pablo Picasso is born. His nose comes out first, albeit on the top of his head.
1951: Winston Churchill wins a second term as prime minister during a barroom brawl. The ageing Churchill employed a rope-a-dope strategy to win the fight to make up for his lack of speed. The tactic was later stolen by Muhammad Ali.
1955: First British person born who goes on to say “We survived the Blitz” despite not being alive during the Blitz.
1983: The USA invades Granada Television due to a colossal cock-up in the administration department. The North-West of England is still being paid reparations to this day.