UK Health Secretary Sajid Javid has asked anyone over the age of 70 to jump from a cliff to help ease the burden on the NHS.
With winter approaching, a pandemic still raging and faced with chronic underfunding, the NHS is struggling like never before. Javid believes that he has a solution though.
“If anyone over the age of 70 could jump from a cliff, that would help us out of this mess. We’re only asking right now but soon we might be telling,” said Javid.
If cliff-jumping suicide does become enshrined in British law, there would likely be an opt-out clause for any Conservative MP.
“We don’t use the NHS - we’re all private – therefore, we’re not a burden,” said one Conservative MP while eating his state subsided Palace of Westminster meal.
Javid admitted that he got the idea from “Midsommar”, a movie he described as a “light-hearted family romp”.