Nonsense-peddler shocked as no-nonsense county tells him to fuck right off

A nonsense-peddler has been left shocked for some reason after a no-nonsense county told him to fuck right off.

Prime Minister Boris Johnson visited Yorkshire today to assess the damages caused by record floods across the county over the last week.

But the reception was less than warm for Johnson, who has been criticised for taking too long to declare the situation as a national emergency.

‘If he thinks he can come up here for some good PR, he’s got another thing coming. The only way I’d welcome him into my home was if I could drown him in the floodwater,’ said one angry Yorkshireman.

Johnson was met with a barrage of verbal abuse before things turned more physical. The prime minister was pelted with a salvo of stale Yorkshire puddings as he ran away from the mob.

In a rare display of unity, people from Lancashire chased Johnson straight back into Yorkshire so he was forced to face his fate.

‘The enemy of my enemy is my friend,’ said one of the chasers.