Man switches on incognito mode before searching for Gary Glitter song
A man has just switched on incognito mode in his browser and checked over his shoulder before searching YouTube for a Gary Glitter song, it’s…
Boris Johnson’s nose becomes first living terrestrial object to land on Mars
Humanity has broken yet another barrier after Boris Johnson’s nose became the first living terrestrial object to land on Mars. After contracting Pinocchio-syndrome just two…
Ditch digging the fastest growing industry in Britain
Ditch digging has become the fastest growing industry in Britain after thousands of people took to the nearest patch of soft earth to create a…
Annoying children to be tethered to planes so they can play outside
Annoying children will be tethered to planes so they can play outside and avoid disturbing other passengers. The decision has been agreed upon by all…
Greta Thunberg branded a ‘hypocrite’ by opponents over 16 years of CO2 exhalation
Opponents of climate activist Greta Thunberg have criticised her hypocrisy after learning she has been exhaling carbon dioxide for over sixteen years. Carbon dioxide (CO2)…
Pope Francis begins work on Vatican website
In a surprise move earlier today, the Pope announced that the Catholic Church, in an effort to keep up with the times, now intended to…
Only 58 more extensions until Brexit!
The entirety of Britain is celebrating today after learning that there are now only 58 more extensions until Brexit. The Brexit festivities will kick off…
Wife wins ‘Woman of the Year’ award after putting on a jumper instead of the heating
A wife has been named ‘Woman of the Year’ having being submitted for the award by her husband after she put on a jumper rather…
Harvey Weinstein calls for safe spaces for victims of being called a rapist
Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein has called for more public safe spaces, particularly for victims of being called a rapist. Weinstein was verbally assaulted by comedian…
Facebook financially struggling so badly that Mark Zuckerberg is cutting his own hair
After a wave of fines levied against them, Facebook is struggling for money so badly that CEO Mark Zuckerberg is now saving money by cutting…